I know the economy is circling the bowl and people are fearing for their livelihood and John McCain is more than a bit tweaked, but check this the ‘ef out!
A month or so after I posted about my bat wings (also known in Jewish circles as Hadassah arms) and those of my wonderful friend Ronni,Ã‚Â I received a press release at work announcing a new product:
FLABuLESS, which the is being touted as “the first-ever arm shapewear that slims, conceals and re-shapes.” You wear it like a shrug under your clothes. Basically it’s Spanx for your upper arms.
I am meeting with the creator of FLABuLESS, one Lee Ann Stevenson, in a week or so. Ronni wants to know how you wear it with a T-shirt. Good question.
I will ask her if she hasÃ‚Â any plans to develop the Ass Bra, which represents another vast void in the marketplace of things that smush women’s bodies into shapes that are preferable to when all body parts are flapping free in the breeze. Someone must invent the Ass Bra. We have the technology. Lee Ann, your country needs you.
Suggestions about other products that need to be invented for us lumpy people? Comment below.
October 16, 2008 at 8:41 pm
I think this is a fabulous product. Be careful when you down such garments, because there are millions of women who suffer with ripples in their arms like you may suffer with ripples in your ass and are applauding “Lee Ann” for thinking about them. We get so wrapped up in SPANX, but there are a ton of other body parts that need coverage. I think that she is very innovative, and truly a pioneer in shapewear. Again, don’t knock it till you rock it.
October 16, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Brooke, not knocking it! Whatever works, baby. Just wish we didn’t care so much, collectively and obviously individually. My friend Judy calls bat wings “Hi, Helens,” like you’re waving to your friend Helen over by the pool. Love it.
October 16, 2008 at 9:46 pm
I understand… I just get frustrated because a lot of people want to knock what is new rather then seeing who it might help. People thought spanx was a joke till they saw the results from it, and some people still don’t like spanx. You can’t please everyone all the time, but I will tell you that for me, someone who would never be called “fat” but has sagging arms from pregnancy, I totally get this product, and have already ordered 3 pairs. It feeds a huge need, and more people need to write about it to get it out there to the women who need it. Thanks for blogging about it.
October 16, 2008 at 10:10 pm
I would like someone to invent a (preferably tanned, dew-kissed and subtly sparkly) flesh-toned sheath that you can paste from your chin down to your decollete. Used to be I’d WAKE UP with these hideous vertical chest grooves but miraculously–and marvelously–they’d fade by breakfast. The f*ckers don’t fade any more! They’re there ALL THE TIME! What is up with THAT? I look like a human roadmap where all roads lead to hell. I laughed (in a haughty way) when I read “I Feel Bad About My Neck,” but I’m not laughing any more. Anyone? Help!
October 16, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Ok, the product i would like to see developed is the “kangaroo pouch concealer” You know that little pooch that you develop after a c-section? Well, I want something that lifts it up and away vs just smashing it out the sides.Can you put some pressure on them?????
October 17, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Hilarious. I’ve always been “big-boned” but thanks to swimming, I managed to stay toned even after years of gaining and losing. I even felt I looked good enough to get away with tank tops, and believe me, I’m not one of those gals who squeezes into tight clothes and tells themselves they look hot. But in the last couple of years, I’ve stopped exercising, gained weight, gotten flabby and spread those damned “wings.” But would I wear these things? Never. (It’s enough that I have to wear a compression garment when I fly; those of you who’ve had lumpectomies know what I’m talking about.) Was I mortified when my 5-year-old son, who still worships me, innocently jiggled my fleshy bits and asked, “What’s that, mommy?” (“My arm, sweets.”) You betcha. I’ve had to switch short sleeves for tank tops. But while I may love the magic of Spanx on special occasions, I’m not going to encase my body in spandex. I’m all about comfort. But check back with me if I ever return to the pool and the flab doesn’t disappear this time!
October 17, 2008 at 4:47 pm
According to my friend Suze Yalof (fashion queen of Glamour magazine, although she has a more masthead-friendly title, too) two companies are making these. One is “beyond painful,” in her words (context: this is a Conde Nast gal who can wear things that most mortals cannot and find them comfortable, so it must be dire.) The other, she said, feels good. I’ll let you know which one this is.
October 17, 2008 at 9:56 pm
As I explained in much greater detail on my blog,
Both arms fat = aging/weight gain.
One arm fat = lymphedema. Bigger concern in our house, of late than bilateral bats.
P.S. Okay, I feel a little strange posting (repeatedly) on a blog that’s devoted in significant part to body image issues, since I’m basically okay with my aging, mediocre body. But my mother always taught me, “If you don’t have anything interesting to say, say something anyway.” So here I am.
October 18, 2008 at 8:34 pm
I’m totally lost….
But if it’s about women and their weight….I stay far away from that subject! I’m too smart for that.
October 18, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Its a fairly brilliant idea, a sort of Spanx suit if you will. I have noticed that my physical claustrophobia outweighs my vanity and I cant even bring myself to wear stockings…and trust me, my ass should know better than to be stocking free.
October 19, 2008 at 9:23 pm
1. Patrick sometimes wears a lycra t-shirt to contain his batwings and other post-weight loss flab. He said he would only wear these things if they were flesh-colored (maybe already available?).
2. In keeping with a common theme on this site about the honesty of children (and in relation to Margaret Bravo’s request) I have a favorite scene from the old “Extreme Makeover” show. A mother wants a tummy tuck after several pregnancies and a vertical C-section because her son frequently says that “Mommy has two heinies”.
October 24, 2008 at 8:02 am
Bra for your ass, Steph: http://www.momlogic.com/2008/08/bras_for_your_ass.php