That’s no typo. Necessity is, of course, the mother of invention (Plato, if you’re curious), but necessity itself is a mother&^*%. I’m sick of needing things I didn’t need before, in my former life as an energetic, in-the-know, relevant young person.
I have too many new needs to list them all here, and besides, it would be a snooze. I’ll just highlight a few that are particularly galling:
I now need:
- to precaffeinate, i.e., to have a cup of coffee to be coherent enough to meet someone for a cup of coffee
- to google text messaging codes like ASLMH (look it up! I had to) and new catchphrases to understand what they mean
- to eat a few hundred fewer calories a day just to remain the same weight
- “closure”
- control-top everything
- larger shoes (pregnancy plus yoga equals ginormous feet)
- more electrolysis (see old Jewish lady beard)
- help getting up sometimes after playing with my kids on the floor
- Xanax
- phone support to operate our new Brita filter pitcher (an LCD screen?)
- and of course, the ass bra
On the positive side, I don’t yet need the following:
- to pay for sex
- to beg for change
- to order one of those nifty individual sound amplifiers off the TV so I can hear the birds chirp
Here’s where I shut up and count myself lucky. Help me out here—what are some of the things you now need that you never did before?
Photo Courtesy of www.wearehappytoserveyou.com
December 17, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Some things I need but didn’t used to need:
Reading glasses
Sleep
Quiet
Hand and Neck Cream
Diamond jewelry
Alone time
Anger management techniques