Hi, folks,
Formerlies usually know that they’re Formerlies and understand this blog right away. But occasionally someone will ask, “Steph, just how do you know if you’re a Formerly?”
So to address this, which is (just after how to forge a lasting peace in the Middle East) one of the burning questions of our times, I’m starting a new feature: Signs You’re a Formerly. Here’s the first installment. Check back for more.
TODAY’S SIGNS YOU’RE A FORMERLY
1. You finally hear a song you know on the radio–bonus! You also can name the artist!–and your ears prick up, only to find out it’s one phrase of the song being sampled by DJ Someone-you’ve-never-heard-of.
2. You get hit on but it’s such a rarity that you don’t realize you’re being hit on until much later. (Happened to a friend of mine just recently.)
3. You say “word” and “it was the bomb,” completely without irony.
4. You say “word” and “it was the bomb,” even with irony.
5. You’ve even once pulled the skin of your face back and slightly up to see what you’d look like with a face lift (not that you’re even going there…yet).
6. You’ve ever flexed asked your significant other, “How’re my guns?” (Male version)
7. Your children sometimes have to help you off the floor
8. America’s Funniest Home Videos is on at the gym and you find yourself laughing so loud people are staring (you had your headphones on.) Was it always this hilarious?
9. At 9:01 on the dot you tell the neighbors to turn it down and consider yourself tolerant.
10. You count calories in mixed drinks
11. You make frequent pop cultural references that your colleagues at work don’t get
12. You take the time to explain those references to your colleagues, who don’t give a shit about the back story (Canoe Canoe?)
13. High school kids are now wearing what you wore in high school
14. High school kids are now wearing what you wore in high school–and you feel compelled to point this out TO THE HIGH SCHOOL KIDS!!
OK, I’m going to stop now or I will use up all my blog fodder in one posting. So here’s the contest: In the comments section, list as many or as few Signs You’re a Formerly as you think are funny. I will then pick the most telling sign, and that person will win a prize.***
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***I have no idea what the prize is. Give me a break! This is my first contest. But there will be one, announced in a future posting.
Photo by: Diehl, CC Licensed
January 26, 2009 at 2:10 am
1. You are the utterer, not the subject, of the phrase “You kids…”
2. You read this blog.
3. You own t-shirts that might fetch a lot of money on eBay. Because there are other people like you out there.
January 26, 2009 at 7:13 am
You find yourself having to qualify any nostalgic trivia references as “old school” and you’re not even trying to be sarcastic.
January 26, 2009 at 8:47 am
1) You constantly crunch numbers ie “what if my kids attend public college vs private” to see if there’d be any money left over for plastic surgery.
2) You’ve called time out in a game or sport because your veins,back or feet hurt
3) You’ve nicknamed parts of your body that sag . Example my arms are now called “flying squirrels”
4) You’ve been known to respond , “Sorry, I had a lot of fun in the 80’s” when called on to retrieve crucial pieces of information that you can’t remember.
5) You choose your wardrobe based on what it hides versus what it reveals.
6) Your kids ask you to tell them about the “olden days”
January 26, 2009 at 9:44 am
You find that more and more of the songs you grew up with are winding up in commercials.
January 26, 2009 at 1:27 pm
You never said “word” or “it was the bomb” period — with or without irony.
You now fully understand why your parents wanted you to turn down the music.
You really, truly don’t know where your kids get their energy.
You still slip and say “record” instead of CD and you suspect you shouldn’t say CD anymore either.
You finally realize you’re not so cool anymore and that anyway it’s uncool to try to be cool at your age.
Your favorite part of the day is bedtime (1st your kids, then yours).
You remember eating canned fruit and you recently discovered frozen berries and think it’s the greatest thing since sliced rye.
You like to make the early bird special and you see nothing funny or ironic about that — what’s wrong with beating the crowds, getting a deal, and getting home in time to watch a little TV?
You can’t remember the last time you were out past 11pm.
Your kids think you’re weird.
January 26, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Oh, and one more:
You’re actually happy to have no weekend plans!
January 26, 2009 at 4:25 pm
You have said, completely without irony, “Kids today…”
When getting dressed in winter, you care more about being warm than looking good.
The restaurants/bars you think of as “cool” were only cool about 20 iterations of cool ago. And you could not name the currently cool restaurants/bars if your life depended on it.
January 26, 2009 at 4:59 pm
you untag facebook photos of you because that dress wasn’t as cute as you thought it was.
you scan in photos from tight after your trip abroad when you were tan and just got over a stomach bug.
your doctor asks for your birth date and when you respond, he chuckles and says, “you’re a month older than me.” (this truly happened–and he was a psychiatrist!)
January 26, 2009 at 5:02 pm
oh, and you have a favorite jonas brother although you’re pretty sure this is inappropriate.
January 26, 2009 at 7:37 pm
You feel cool, because you can name some current rock bands, but only until it occurs to you that it’s because your kids talk about them.
January 27, 2009 at 2:50 pm
You still think “hook up” means “let’s meet up for a drink.”
Wearing legwarmers with tights and jeans is not a new trend, in your opinion.
The middle-aged woman at the deli calls you “m’aam.”
January 27, 2009 at 6:05 pm
You lick your hands to smooth down your kid’s flyaway hair.
You don’t know who any of the people from the Hills are and you don’t care.
You talk about how much better the classic 90210 is than the new one.
You ask your kids if they want to go to the Pizza Parlor, or if they can grab you something out of the icebox.
You are almost at the age that Elvis and Judy Garland were when they died.
You were so excited to see the Yaz reunion tour last summer.
You’re starting to enjoy gardening.
You’d rather have good fruit than cake and candy.
You’re not impressed by anyone who became famous after 1995.
You like interior design magazines more than fashion magazines.
You think that kids play their darn music too loud and you don’t understand what they are wearing.
You are on the fundraising committee for the town library.
You would much rather be home than anywhere else on a weekend night.
None of the people you meet know who Paul Lynde, Flip Wilson, Shields and Yarnell, or Jimmy Durante are.
Your idea of the ultimate in cool is Arthur Fonzarelli.
You realize that the president is only 5 years older than you!