picture-7.pngI suppose there’s something to be said for men needing to appreciate the discomfort and abject pain women often experience in an effort to look currently hot. In general I’m in favor of the cultivation of empathy. But even when I was in college, at the height of my man-hating phase, I wouldn’t have wished this on a date rapist.

The BBC reports that sales of men’s “shapewear” (i.e., elasticated undergarments that smush you into something resembling an ideal physique) are on the rise in the UK. (Thanks, Alan, for the tip.) Some poor British shmuck named Tim (above, with his long-suffering wife) volunteered to road test the briefs, Flashback Butt Lifting Technology Boxers, which, of course, are American imports. No wonder our economy is doing so well. They look like a little boy’s Batman briefs.

“Inside they have elastic strapping which is meant to lift and support the buttocks – a bit like a push-up bra for women, but without the padding.

But Tim wasn’t overwhelmed: “They’re quite small and I’m showing quite a lot of bum cleavage.”

The article went on to say that the undies make him look like he’s got a decent package from the front, although of course they said it much more delicately than that, being that they’re English and all.

For all you guys who are even remotely intrigued, my advice is to limit your cramming to the night before an important exam. If you must stuff something, make it a turkey, serve it to your significant other with a nice bottle of wine and some sweet potatoes. I can’t speak for gay men or even all women, but from what I’ve heard from my friends, most of us are disinclined to even consider what you’ve got in your old kit bag until after we already like you (and have been cooked dinner and plied with alcohol.) In short, you can skip the elastic panties and and spend your money on us.