My kids, who are five, love Free to Be…You and Me, Marlo Thomas’ 1972 book-then-video of songs and sketches all about how one needn’t be circumscribed by pesky gender roles. And unlike the cloying Little Einsteins or trippy Shapies, it’s not excruciating to watch as an adult. The music has withstood the passage of time, and the star cameos are fun (Formerly Black Michael Jackson’s duet with Roberta Flack about when he grows up, he “won’t have to change at all,” always makes me snicker).
Free to Be‘s message, of course, is righteous. Big, burly football great Rosie Greer sings about how it’s alright to cry (“Crying takes the sad out of you”); Carole Channing warns kids not to be duped by the feminine mystique, and Alan Alda sings of little William, who excelled at any sport his dad threw at him, but nonetheless wanted a doll for his fifth birthday.
That’s the one that stumps Sasha and Vivian. “Why doesn’t his dad just get him a doll?” Sasha asks. “Duh.” And Vivian cites several boys in her class who assume the daddy role when they play house with her. I ask her if that means they make her go get them a beer. “No, silly mommy. It means they give the baby his bottle.” The boys then go on to be Jedi warriors and try to decapitate one another with their imaginary light sabres, but only after the baby is down for the night. Progress!
Now, I know I live in New York City, where men in feathered tube tops and pleather pants sashay in front of my girls’ elementary school and no one looks at them sideways. And I know other parts of the country are not quite as free to let boys be whatever they are, particularly if what they are involves feathered tube tops. But I was nonetheless heartened to see what a profound non-issue such William’s doll jones is to my daughters, and, apparently, at least a few of their male classmates.
I don’t know if Marlo Thomas had in mind the goal of making Free to Be…You and Me obsolete someday, but it’s well on its way to being a Formerly, as in Formerly Necessary or Formerly Radical. It has taken over 30 years, but it’s moving toward becoming quaint. Maybe in another 30 or 50, it’ll be like fear of the corrupting influence of Elvis or gathering around the radio–something that sounds goofy when you explain it to a child.
My favorite aspect of my girls’ take on the song is that the fact that they see it as being not about William’s bizarre desire to (gasp!) nurture a pretend infant, but about William’s dad not having a clue. I didn’t go into how Williams’ dad was worried his little boy was going to grow up to be a little swishy if he bought him a Baby Alive. I just agreed. Sometimes grown-ups simply aren’t as advanced as children.
Photo Courtesy of Free to Be Foundation
February 12, 2009 at 9:07 am
Barbara Hauley Kempe at 6:13am February 12 VIA FACEBOOK
Amen! Every day, I aspire to become as socially mature as my children are. Really nice piece.
February 12, 2009 at 9:08 am
Daniel Radosh at 8:33am February 12 VIA FACEBOOK
I don’t think boys who grew up with this propaganda look back at it with the same affection. My life became a lot better after I finally realized that, as a general day-to-day principle, it’s not all right to cry.
February 12, 2009 at 9:08 am
February 12, 2009 at 9:08 am
Paula Derrow at 8:48am February 12 VIA FACEBOOK
I LOVED this album so, so much. “When my friend William, was five years old…he wanted a doll, to hug and hold….”
February 12, 2009 at 9:48 am
Daneil Radosh VIA FACEBOOK
“I wish I had gotten pounded. That gets the sad out of you a lot quicker than crying — and in a way that makes you less likely to do it again. Oh, and you don’t go around feeling self-righteous about how empowered you are either. Really, Free to Be You and Me is a nice utopian vision for adults, but it’s objectively cruel to brainwash children into behaving as though they live in a utopia when they do not.”
February 12, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I wish you’d have gotten pounded, too.
February 12, 2009 at 1:47 pm
This album also contains one of the truly great cautionary tales. “Hand over a whole mango please!”
February 12, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Why does Radosh, who has his own blog, need you to paste his comments here? Maybe he WANTED to give FB an exclusive?
OTOH, this way, I can disagree with him without him knowing. I personally probably could have used more crying as a kid. I found that FTBYAM nicely balanced out the other book my parent read to us a lot, “Free to Kick Ass,” which contained such items as “It’s Allright to Fight,” and “Housework: It’s for Moms.”