If this woman were holding a sign, it would say “FORMERLY AMBITIOUS.” And if she were not afraid of what her future employers might think, she’d show her face. Suffice to say she’s a friend of mine who has done spectacular things in her career, mostly in public service, and always helping others.
Now, at 40, she’s pregnant for a second time, has a toddler who likes to dive face first in her sleep out of her crib and has my friend up every few hours to make sure she’s safe and still pretty. Add to that a belly the size of a weather balloon which makes it impossible to find a comfortable position and the concept of sleep will not be a reality for at least a year to come. Still, my friend is a thinker, and so is contemplating her identity as a working woman, as well as a mom and all the rest of it. She just doesn’t have the brain for it right now, and described herself as Formerly Ambitious.
She was falling asleep in her soup last night when we had dinner, and other friends were there so we couldn’t really get into it, but she’s going through a variation of what many Formerlies do: Our work lives, for some of us, are just not feeling as important and as much of a driving force.
I know that’s what happened to me, in a way. I quit a high octane magazine job a few years back to be a part time human, and built a piecemeal living of writing and blogging and parenting. I no longer dressed for work and skated into my desk with a cup of coffee and a folder of copy, tired but pumped for some problem-solving and alliterative headline writing. I sat in my sports bra and worked until the kids came home and found my rewards from different kinds of successes. (I couldn’t control myself with Formerly/Finally Friday. I need to alliterate every so often or I worry the muscle will go slack.) I lost the lust to strive for higher on the magazine masthead. I felt I lost a bit of ambition during those years.
I say this to my husband and he rolls his eyes because he knows how hard I worked to write my book, as well as everything else I do. That’s hardly demonstrative of a lack of ambition, he says. And he’s right, kind of. I still work hard.
But the tenor of the ambition doesn’t feel the same as it did when I was younger. My old ambition was more voracious, driven by energy and caffeine and a bit of compulsion and driven (in a not so happy way way) by a desire to please and prove something to people who really weren’t paying much attention, or who already thought I was great the way I was.
Nowadays, my ambitions are more vague (happiness and feeling competent and peace, rather than a new title or more money) and more malleable. So addicted am I to feeling good about what I do that if it’s clear something isn’t going to work out, I adjust my ambitions to accommodate what can, and declare it a success. And who’s to say it’s not?
I think my husband is right, that it’s not a lack of ambition so much as an ambition for different things.
What do you all think of ambition at this age? Do you have more of it than when you were younger? Or less? Or is it more focused? What are you ambitious for? Please comment, if you feel moved.
July 2, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Hi kiddo. You’re exactly right. I think as you age, you come to realize exactly what’s truly important to you and what is not. For example, you may never see your size 8 body from your 20’s, but you slowly realize that killing yourself just trying to get back to it is just not worth it. As long as you’re healthy, that’s what really matters. The same goes for the big house filled with all the “stuff”. We’ve downsized twice in the last 6 years and I couldn’t be any happier about it. As far as actual ambition goes, I’m in a phase now where I have more than I’ve had in a really long time. I started my blog almost a year ago and am having a ball. Please come visit me sometime. Those closest to me call me twisted, which I take as a compliment!
July 3, 2010 at 1:06 pm
I think my ambition is the same, but now channeled in a totally different way. Three years ago I was living in Los Angeles pursuing acting and had been for nine years. Now, I’m in a house in the suburbs of Nashville and staying home taking care of my one-month old. I started a few of my own little companies, but those have taken a backseat to taking care of my daughter. It’s pretty wild what life can bring you if you let it.
Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!
July 3, 2010 at 3:57 pm
I think when you have children, your ambitions change. I know I still want to work and have a lot of ambition, but I work from home. I don’t want to miss anything. I don’t want my life to pass me by because I was too busy working and didn’t spend enough time playing.
July 7, 2010 at 5:12 pm
stopping by from SITs.
I get that formerly hot biz, workin on getting back LOL
come check me out 😉
July 14, 2010 at 1:48 pm
I think all women, especially mothers, overthink everything… too ambitious, not ambitious enough… we should just relax and be in the moment! Work.. blah..blah..blah, it is overated!