3332555439_a461c1a669I was just down in the gym in my building, trudging forward to nowhere on the eliptical and spacing out to the wall TVs. I was plugged into my iPod, so I couldn’t hear exactly what Maury Povich was saying, but the chyrons (those little blurbs that appear under someone’s face as they speak) were cracking me up.

One read, “Says he didn’t cheat, hickey came from dog.” The other, something like “Swears he didn’t cheat on Heather with best friend Steven.” The most baffling one read (and I’m getting the names wrong), “Tests prove David had sex with several of Kim’s family members.” I cannot imagine what kind of test (except maybe a DNA test on resulting offspring) could prove such a thing. Did they submit to rape kits for Maury Povich? Really, really not worth it.

But it got me thinking about what my Formerly chyron would read if we all had them floating under our chins as we walked around and living our lives. Here are a few that came to mind for me, so far today:

  • “Is banking on crease on face from pillowcase fading before book interview”
  • “Is wearing the wrong bra”
  • “Doubts existence of the right bra”
  • “Bought deodorant and applied it on the bus because she was too harried and distracted to do it at home”
  • “Would spend any amount of money on jeans that look good”
  • “Wishes she couldn’t see her own thighs through the glass top table while she’s eating.”
  • “Is ignoring thighs through glass top table and is now enjoying lunch a lot more”
  • “Is one of those people who orders off the TV”
  • “Can’t believe daughter concurs with mean blog commenters that she needs nose job”
  • “Secretly hopes daughter winds up with her nose someday”
  • “Considers herself lucky to have the life she’s living”

I want to hear what your Formerly chyron would say! Please post if you have a minute.

And PS. I will be on the Today Show next week and will presumably have an actual chyron. I wonder what it will say.

Photo by dno1967 cc