And y’all better listen up, because he’s PISSED! I posted his comment in its entirety here, but I couldn’t resist giving BB a bit more prominent a spot. One or two of you must have gone on a date with him back in the early ’90s and totally broken his heart, because he’s still smarting. He reserves special vitriol for Oprah–perhaps she’s the one who didn’t call him back or suggested they “just be friends.”
Seriously, though, I think it’s not a bad idea to listen to people like BB, if only to affirm your own truth. I’d refrain from calling him a “sexist pig,” (I have a feeling having women scream that at him is his Viagra) but I’d love to hear what YOU have to say about women and power and beauty. Here’s BB:
“Ladies, listen up because I’m about to drop some truth on your Oprah-obsessed minds. Please pay attention because you will rarely hear anyone tell you something so real and honest. Ahem.”
Totally listening, BB. Lay it on us. Oprah? You paying attention? Stop helping people and being a role model and making millions of dollars, because BB is speaking.
“Pre-35, you have all the power. For centuries, men have fought wars over beautiful, YOUNG women. The world is your oyster and you can truly have whatever you want (provided you’re attractive, that is.) High five, you go girl, etc.”
I do think some young women might measure their power by their ability to make men hurt one another to get their attention, but I don’t know any. I don’t recall feeling particularly powerful when I was young, relatively hot though I was. I had a good time, but compared to now, I felt insecure, unsure of myself and frequently broke, and wondering why guys got paid more than I did for the same work. Oh, wait—still do! Personally, I feel much more powerful now. Oprah: pretty powerful not-young woman. Just sayin’.
“Post-35, you have ZERO SOCIAL VALUE. Why? Because the only thing that is valued about you is your looks and youth. Once that is gone, you’re toast.”
How do we feel about toast, as a rule? Can we get some consensus on the toast issue? I rather like it–mmm, rye with lots of butter–although too many carbs make me soft(er) around them middle. BB goes on to say that, aside from our loser husbands adoring us,
“You have nothing society wants, nothing to offer. Keep in mind, this is the game you played with gusto…remember how you acted all high and mighty in your 20s, blowing off all those nice guys in favor of hooking up with that Latino hunk or biker dude, who you knew was a tool but wanted to fulfill your fantasy of being one of the characters on Sex and the City?”
Um, the women in Sex and the City are Formerly age, and who’s to say that Latino hunk wasn’t also a very nice guy? Per BB, men only get hotter because their earning potential goes up, and that’s why it’s expected for them to date younger women. Then BB adds something awful about how desperate women our age are for sex. And because he’s an expert on women,
“I know you’ll get all Oprah on me and condemn everything I’ve written and fall all over yourselves telling me that I’m a sexist pig, blah blah blah. Don’t hate me — I didn’t invent what society values in men and women, we all did. You contributed to this “game” just as much as anyone, but do know that once you hit about 35, maybe 40 if you’re really lucky, the game is over for you.”
Yeah, because that game was so fun for everyone involved, we wish it could go on forever.
I’d love to hear from women and men about BB’s POV, and also if anyone ever fought over you when you were young and if it made you feel powerful, or worried that two moron boys with too much testosterone were going to get themselves in trouble with the dean.
Photo by Grahambones CC
August 14, 2010 at 7:25 pm
Toast, thought I rarely eat it, is delicious. Toasted bread is always better than not toasted, imho. For example, toast with peanut butter: warm and melty and 100% tastier than peanut butter on soft cold bread. Of course, it is better to have Nutella on your toast, but that is not the fault of the toast. So, if I’m now toast, I’m okay with that.
No, I never have felt powerful in the way BB suggests, either young or not. No Helen here, to the best of my knowledge, no wars were started over me. I never played the game to which BB refers. No hook-ups with Latinos, nice or not. Just fell in love with the one nice guy and married him.
My appraisal of my social value never hinged on my looks. I’m sure there are people for whom that is true, but I don’t personally know any of them. Not even when we were young and beautiful and, according to BB, powerful.
I am your age, Stephanie, but my 20’s were enjoyed starting a family. I didn’t think about whether I was hot or whom I could attract or what society valued in me. I thought about whether my husband and sons were happy and healthy and what fun they were. I loved my 20’s!
I know you’ve received some criticism for the “formerly” concept, and I do not get it. I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog. Although my life has been very different than yours, I do relate to what you are talking about. It is a transition we all experience, and I like the humor with which you are doing just that.
PS – I don’t watch Oprah, either.
August 14, 2010 at 10:44 pm
BB is clearly holding a grudge against the women who rejected him in his youth. I was also rejected plenty of times, but I have gotten over it. The kind of “power” that BB attributes to hot young chicks seems limited to getting dumb young guys (like I once was) to freak out, fight each other, and generally make bad decisions. Then everybody grows up. Maybe nice guys get shafted in their twenties, but they are in high demand later. Seems like BB is somehow stranded–not quite a nice guy, not quite a Latino (therefore evil?) biker, fully embittered.
August 15, 2010 at 10:21 am
I must agree with BB that there is a certain class of young men to whom which it really does seem that hot young women hold all the power. But, the men who who fail to grow out of that do just that, fail to grow. If by the time one reaches his formerly equivalent age he sees a 20-something hottie as “having all the power”, well, that says more about that man’s weakness than it does about the hottie’s strength. So, both ages (more importantly, experiences) matter, not just the woman’s.
Now take that same pairing- intimidated young man and intimidating hot young woman and visit them in their formerly years, yes, I think you will see a power shift towards equilibrium. But that’s not just the woman getting knocked off her hotness pedastal. I think 15% of that is due to the woman’s change in the way she perceives her looks, 35% due to her really knowing what she values in life and that power isn’t a huge part of that, and 50% the man growing into his skin, realizing his own self worth, and no longer being intimidated by women, young, formerly, or otherwise.
August 15, 2010 at 11:01 am
Hear, hear beta dad!
August 15, 2010 at 12:26 pm
Well…yeah. If you define power as getting superficial guys to fall over themselves trying to date you, then 20 something attractive women have all the power. But if you define power as actually having some worldly experience and knowledge, then hey, 35 plus is where its at. I agree with beta dad that this guy obviously is smarting from rejection and now is taking out his hate on women everywhere. What a loser.
August 15, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Now that I’m toast (prefered: pumpernickel with cream cheese), I work pretty hard to surround myself with people who think positive thoughts. I think I’m a much better person, happier, more productive, more valuable at my work and socially (who wants to hang around a grump?) than when I was younger and wasn’t discriminating. So, I find BB’s comments, as they seem to be without reason or intelligence, to not really stick. It’s so hard to refute irrational, angry sputtering. I’m sorry. I tried.
August 15, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Ha-Ha! Looks like someone can’t handle getting paunchy and watching his hair migrate from the top of his head to his ears and back, while his ex is still fit and energetic. And if he’s making enough money to attract the kind of young woman who will take rich old ugly guys for their money, I”l be surprised.
August 16, 2010 at 10:02 pm
I’m really a whole wheat with butter only girl, but must be paired with fresh squeezed OJ.
I may be in the minority here, but I actually feel hotter now that I am 40 than I did when I was 25. I am at least 15 lbs heavier, my boobs 50% smaller (and 100% droopier), but my life 300% fuller from my beautiful boys. I think a woman is far more powerful and attractive to everyone, not just the opposite sex, when she exudes self confidence, self satisfaction and self worth, not just sexuality. I mean, I may be a straight chick, but I would be much more attracted to, say, me, than to the likes of Hollow Montague, I mean Heidi Montague.
August 17, 2010 at 1:10 pm
I’m a gluten-free gal myself, so I like my toast made of rice bread, thanks!
I’m sure BB is dating lots of women “of character” now, women who have nothing left to offer but the goodness of their hearts, the strength of their ethics, the purity of their intentions, and the soundness of their minds. I’m sure that I, at 51, with a genetic syndrome that leaves me looking less like that girl I was at 18 and more like my 75-year-old grandma these days, would have no problem securing a date with BB! After all, I’ve never sh*t on a man in my life, and I’ve never used my looks to benefit myself — in fact, I’ve turned down opportunities for which I was not qualified, which were offered to me on the basis of my looks, waaaaay back when. How many women can honestly say that? I can!
How about it, BB? Wanna go out? Let’s have coffee!
Erm, oh. Wait. He’s kind of an unpleasant guy, isn’t he? Hey, BB? NEVER MIND! I may be ugly, but I’ve still got standards.
August 17, 2010 at 3:08 pm
It’s a little sad when someone looks at the guy/girl thing as a battle. It’s not about a battle, it’s not a game, it’s being a team. It’s not an issue of winners & losers-you’ll win together, or you’ll lose togther. Ultimately BB, by looking at women with adversarial eyes, you’re closing yourself off to the real “high value” women. Looks will never be the true judge of what a woman will bring to the table, currently or formerly. No matter what a woman looked like, if she was more into herself and not “my partner in crime”, then why would I even want to consider her by my side?
See the value in yourself first, BB, then you’ll have a clear picture of who will fight by your side.
Good luck, man.
August 17, 2010 at 6:58 pm
BB does illustrate some valid points, if in a combative way. I’m 29, I’m a sole-custody, single dad of two great kids, and yet I couldn’t buy a date. I get plenty of “Oh, you’re a great guy, you’ll find someone” from female associates/friends/etc, but I haven’t had a relationship in almost 9 years. Why? Well, I could list off all kinds of qualities that I have that I value, but apparently in this day and age, they aren’t valued by women at all. Maybe I am not good looking enough, or tall enough, or I don’t drive the right car/live in the right house. BB may be sour, but years of neglect and abuse can turn a nice guy into a real prick. Women wonder where all the nice guys have gone, chances are they are right in front of them, being shot down at every turn.
August 18, 2010 at 1:06 am
Stephanie, I read your article, saw your now and “former” pictures, and I am not hitting on you, but your current pic shows that you are way hotter now than 20 Years ago!! Take it as a compliment.. like a fine bottle of wine just getting tastier as it gets older!! Take care and good luck to you in your future endeavors!!
August 18, 2010 at 9:15 am
Sounds like he had a bad experience with one of those women. Mabey he should open his eyes and realize he is putting all women in one catagory. Obsess much!
August 18, 2010 at 11:58 am
I’ve always liked older women…always. My wife just turned 41 in June and she is hotter than she ever was. Not just because of her exterior beauty but because she is a really good person. Perhaps qualifying the value of a woman based solely on her exterior apperance is what has motived his rant….
I don’t agree with BB on his sentiments at all. Ladies, DON’T take his perspective to heart….He speaks for a few bitter men in this world.
Where can I submit a pic of my super hot wife?
August 18, 2010 at 1:28 pm
Toast? Screw being toast. I eat toast for breakfast. Formerlies are more like eggs benedict or some other equally delicious yet perplexing (at least in my kitchen) breakfast dish. Toast is great, but being a formerly is way better than being toast.
I spent my teens and most of my twenties being relatively hot but never trusting it. Power? Only if spending hours dissecting every little comment in the hopes of figuring out if some guy was really interested in me (personality, brains, quirks, etc) or just wanted to get in my pants, tossing in bed unable to sleep because I was too busy wondering what I’d done wrong if another guy didn’t call back, or making up excuse not to share clothes with my “closest” girlfriends because I feared judgement on anything from the name on the label to the size.
My thirties, on the other hand, have (thus far) been spent traveling around the country, embracing the best job ever (being a mom), loving the most wonderful husband I ever could have asked for, paying attention to and forming opinions about the world around me, laughing at my pre-formerly self, and never once passing up dessert. I haven’t yet done everything I want to do in life, but that’s okay. The game isn’t over. It’s just beginning.
August 24, 2010 at 10:06 am
I have to agree with BB. Women tend to use their body to get what they want, socially and financially. Once they get old, their only asset is gone. They can no longer contribute productively to society. My ex wife is a good example. She now sits around collecting alimony and watching ridiculous talk shows all day in her mother’s basement. She’s been single for 2 years and has not even applied for a job. She has always gotten everything she wanted just for looking pretty. Guess what cupcake? You wont be young forever. Heck, one day in your forties you might even run out of alimony and have to get a job and lift a finger for yourself.
August 24, 2010 at 11:19 am
After much contemplation, decades of observing life and observing the ins-and-outs of society, human relations and hearing a horde of comments about male/female relationships I concluded that the typical USA-based female is a daffy ding-a-ling that is extremely self-centered, horrendously materialistic, irrational, overly emotion-laden, lacking in logical thinking abilities and unworthy of a decent, honest, honorable male.
Thus I shun the female of the species and advise them to adopt a cat from the local animal shelter. Kitty will really appreciate it and the fur face can put up with the female’s inanities that repel me to the point I will gladly settle for a solo life rather than tolerate the mind- and gut-wrenching near-endless tripe that so often comes with interacting with the American female.
I believe a growing number of American males are opting for a female-less life due to the MANY negatives in females perceived by me and many males.
Lambaste away, girls.
Opinions are admittedly subjective in nature but perhaps there are fine reasons for I and other males to possess these views.
A typical female response to my criticisms is to lash out at me tossing the same oft-heard negatives that merely add credence to my beliefs/observations.
What I seldom hear/read is a “thank you” for removing myself from the male-eligibility-pool so that NO female ever wastes anymore than a moment’s time attempting to attract me.
Oh, yes. Females often attempt to draw my attention. It is so obvious. Has been since an early age.
But as easy as it is to note the attempt to garner my attention it is just as easy to fend off the female. Viewing every female as a potential threat to my freedom, my wealth, my mental health, as a general threat to all I hold dear makes it easy to shun the female.
But do the self-centered materialistic dames appreciate a male that makes it obvious he does not want her attention?
Well, from what I read in responses to what I write if the dames do not get what they want when they want it then the one now kow-towing to the female is obviously scum.
Bwa hah hah hah hah hah!!!!!!!!!!
Such childish behavior!!!!!!!!!!!!
Grab that, girls.
Kitty will appreciate it. Mush more than the typical human female appreciates a decent human male.
As ye reap(ed) so shall ye sow!!!!!!!!!!
As old age overwhelms you and alone within your abode you sigh about what could have been…….. remember your actions in youth.
Sad it may be for the few, too few females actually worthy of a decent guy. Your “sisters” simply made taking a risk with any female too great.
Now scamper off and hug your fur face and be thankful that at least one living creature can tolerate thee….. though not that it is a critter of far less brain capacity than your own is the critter willing to accept you.
August 24, 2010 at 5:02 pm
Helen of Troy had the face that launched a thousand ships. She never actually did anything in life except cheat on her husband and live the perpetual life of a spoiled princess. Living a self indulgent life off the labor of others. Stirring up nations to war and bloodshed.
Fast forward to 2010 and the female archetype has not improved a whit. When you get old and ugly think of it as a blessing. For the first time in your life the world ceases to revolve around your petty selfishness, and you can discover what it’s like to be human.
August 25, 2010 at 5:09 pm
You are all forgetting something. What about those of us who were never hot, even in our youth? What about those of us who never had enough money to be materialistic?
Because I was dirt poor and funny looking in my late teens and early twenties, I learned to work for everything. I was never handed anything, and I sure as hell never broke any hearts or started any wars. According to BB I have never contributed to society and apparently never will.
August 26, 2010 at 6:21 am
I would say any attempt to generalize, like all male….. all female…., is just plain wrong. May be you can say, all female whom I dated or know are materialistic bitches. But then may be you should consider change of context. I mean go to the library and try to meet some girls there, or how is it about workplace.
Dont know. Most comments from guys, who approove BB here sound very frustrated. I am sure it is based on real negative experience. So I feel with you :). But may be an attempt to vary this “meet new folks” context could increase your hapiness.
And I am 35. I dont know if I was ever hot in my 20s and had power and so on. But I never felt this way. I was rather insecure, introvert and had a lot of issues with socializing. That all strongly improved with being older. So speaking for me: I am happier with 35 than with 25.
Sorry for mistakes. Engl is not my first language.