My hair is long, but I noticed this morning in the shower that the ends were nowhere near my nipples. That was the gauge I used when I was younger to know if I needed a haircut: If my hair hit or went past my nipples in the shower, it was probably time for a trim.
Yes, well. My hair is just as long as it normally is when I am due for a haircut. I had no choice but to conclude (and not for the first time) that my nipples must be lower. Yes, well.
And so I laughed, as I have learned to do at such silliness, and decided that perhaps if I grow my hair even longer, maybe I’d create an optical illusion and my breasts would look as if they were riding higher.
I mulled that over as I got ready to take the girls to school, the usual mad rush of figuring out how to cover my body and my under eye circles, while shouting direction into the living room (“Brush hair! Shoes on!”) I had just thrown their painstakingly crustless toast was in the toaster, and I asked them to let me know when it dinged, so I could prep it for them and then get back to dressing.
It dinged, they called me, and I ran out, topless, my bra around my waist. “Oooh!” they said, mock shocked. “Oooh!” I said back. It was nothing they hadn’t seen before. I’m not modest, and we’re all gals. As I approached the kitchen, I scrambled to pile everything into the bra where it belonged.
As they ate, I went back to dressing. A few minutes later, in walks Sasha, with the drawing above. Sasha is normally very proud of her work, but this she handed to me drawing-side down with a sneaky giggle and then she scampered away. My breasts evidently point straight down like arrows on a Caution: Men Working construction sign. But as you can see, my eyes are larger than my breasts, and have big hearts as pupils.
And so I laughed, as I have learned to do at such silliness, and tried to find the hearts in my eyes in the mirror. Lo and behold, there they were.
January 19, 2011 at 10:59 am
Often, after a shower, as I am toweling off, I am reminded of two memories…
The first is how my friend Stacy described her breasts after she had had her daughter and had just finished breast feeding her. She likened them to rolled up socks, stuffed into her bra. The other is what my mother’s breasts looked like to me when I was small when I would watch her, post shower. At about the same age as I am, I thought they looked like tubes, pointing downward, very similar to how I view my own these days! Other than a breast lift (which I’m not inclined to have), there’s only one way to handle the saggy boob syndrome—make ’em look terrific when they’re dressed!
The all-time greatest gift I’ve given myself in a few years was a visit to a very swanky UES bra show called Intimacy, where they fitted me correctly for a bra, and my “dressed’ boobs have never looked so good, if I say so myself! 15 years younger!!!
January 19, 2011 at 1:13 pm
Stephanie- Ella recently drew me the SAME type of picture- Tia Jenny with a beard and mustache!! I was even more horrified by the thought that I may be embarrassing her around her little friends…thank God for Jolene lol
January 19, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Love it Steph! This made me laugh out loud!!
I have always been proud of my perky breasts, I was never jealous of anyone with large breasts/cleavage as mine had always pointed upwards even without a bra. However……..despite the fact that I don’t have any children, I recently found that mine are also lower than they used to be & starting to point downward – this seems instantaneous – maybe 43 is the magic number for this. A good bra does solve it for clothes but when I look in the mirror I find myself pulling the skin above my breasts up so that they go back to where they are “sipposed” to be!
January 20, 2011 at 9:02 am
LMAO Stephanie..what great imagery first thing in the morning! I can just see it..Beat the Clock..Lift, separate, one breast in, toast on plate, oops one breast still hanging out. Nothing like having two young girls to make you feel silly and in on the joke as opposed to being the joke…Can you imagine if you had two young boys..they’d be screaming it from the rooftops!
Too funny, needed a good hearty laugh to start off my day. Thanks for that! Let us know when Sasha designs her next work of art…starring you!
January 20, 2011 at 3:46 pm
oy – SUPPOSED to be -what is wrong with me? 🙂