Beluga WhaleYou can’t barge into the bathroom when I’m getting ready to take a shower–my first 10 minutes to myself in 18 hours–and then scream, “Eeew, big, white naked mommy!!!!” at the top of your lungs.

You can barge in, and keep your pie hole shut. Or you can stay out of the bathroom and shriek your adorable observations about my body, the naked whiteness of which you will have been mercifully spared. You can’t do both.

I mean, you can, but I really wish you wouldn’t.

Third option entails me getting rich enough to afford my own bathroom, but that’s a long term long shot. And the fourth…I can’t go into that but it involves duct tape and quite possibly my local child welfare agency.

I’m having a yogurt. It calms me down.

Photo CC brianandjacklyn