A little piece I did for HuffPo…
When Kids Come Second
My husband and I have split up, and although it was my decision to leave and it remains the right one, it sucks. We were married almost 10 years and have two daughters, so it was a hideous outcome to arrive at after trying so hard not to. Divorce was the less sucky of the two sucky options I saw before me, but that fact doesn’t mitigate the suckitude one iota.
That divorce is hard is not news. It’s like when people say marriage is hard. It’s obvious, a tremendous understatement, and yet when it comes out of someone’s mouth, everyone clucks and nods in empathy and truly seems to know exactly what the speaker means, even though they were told nothing. It’s so outrageously, undeniably true and universal that it requires no explanation, no elaboration, for people to instantly relate and silently run their minds over their current apparently intractable struggle. When you’re going through a life changing personal matter that you’d rather not discuss, lazy, somewhat cliched distillations like that can come in mighty handy. “Divorce is hard” is my go-to summary when well-meaning people ask me how things are going and I sense that they don’t want more than a fleeting peek into my emotional life.
READ THE REST AT HUFFINGTONPOST.COM
June 20, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Can anyone really judge another person’s relationship, or decision to end the relationship?
I am as quick to judge as anyone else, but I’m usually wrong when I make those kinds of evaluations.
I also wonder what the point is of saying “But you have kids.” Like you’re supposed to say, “Oh yeah, forgot about that, maybe I’ll reconcile with my ex-husband.”?
People going through divorce need support. “But you have kids” is no kind of support. It’s just a silly, know-nothing, one-size-fits-all reaction born of a marital fundamentalism that doesn’t really work very well in modern life.
June 24, 2011 at 2:02 pm
I applaud your candor in writing this. I can’t begin to imagine how hard a decision this must have been. I agree with you 10 millllllllion %; it’s much better that your girls grow up with 2 parents who LOVE them, each, even if it’s separately, than 2 parents living in the same house who aren’t happy. You are a much better parent by being HAPPY! Best of luck with everything!
June 30, 2011 at 7:42 am
Did you see this?
June 30, 2011 at 8:25 am
I didn’t! Thank you. I left a comment.