I finally owned my need for reading glasses for things like the mouse type directions on hair care products and low-light menu reading. I even managed to find a cool-ish pair that doesn’t make me feel like I’m about to turn into a Columbia professor’s poet wife wearing her specs on a chain of chunky “ethnic” beads over a flowing batik blouse. I crack the requisite getting-old jokes when I search for them before reading my kids Harry Potter, and, as they’ve been trained, they chime in that I’m not, in fact, old.

In short, I’m rolling with it. Bumpily, but I’m rolling with it.

Until just now, that is. I was in the shower, and endeavoring to shave my pits, when I realized, I CANNOT SEE MY OWN ARMPIT HAIR BECAUSE MY ARMPIT IS TOO CLOSE TO MY FACE! You can’t wear reading glasses in the shower!

Just what in the good gosh golly goddamn are we supposed to do? I mean, really!