Crap.
I finally owned my need for reading glasses for things like the mouse type directions on hair care products and low-light menu reading. I even managed to find a cool-ish pair that doesn’t make me feel like I’m about to turn into a Columbia professor’s poet wife wearing her specs on a chain of chunky “ethnic” beads over a flowing batik blouse. I crack the requisite getting-old jokes when I search for them before reading my kids Harry Potter, and, as they’ve been trained, they chime in that I’m not, in fact, old.
In short, I’m rolling with it. Bumpily, but I’m rolling with it.
Until just now, that is. I was in the shower, and endeavoring to shave my pits, when I realized, I CANNOT SEE MY OWN ARMPIT HAIR BECAUSE MY ARMPIT IS TOO CLOSE TO MY FACE! You can’t wear reading glasses in the shower!
Just what in the good gosh golly goddamn are we supposed to do? I mean, really!
July 15, 2011 at 12:29 pm
I recently turned 52, so I feel your pain. For the past 5 years or so, I’ve intermittently worn bifocal contacts. They make the transition from “formerly hot” to decripitude a little bit easier. But I’ve never worn them in the shower. I use an epilator on my arm pits while standing in front of the mirror. The pain of each armpit hair being yanked out by a spinning roll of tweezers lets me know that it is, in fact, removing the hair.
The reason I wear the bifocal contacts only intermittently is that I also have slight astigmatism, so they give me perfect vision, and they also irritate my eyes if I’m at the computer too long–which is to say every day in my job as a technical writer. But it’s worth the red eyes to not have that dent on either side of my nose and to not have to search for a pair of glasses every time I want to read something.
July 15, 2011 at 1:35 pm
(That was supposed to say that they DON’T give me perfect vision.)
July 15, 2011 at 3:09 pm
There, there…here’s my advice from somewhere farther down the formerly road: Do the best you can in the shower. Get a 10x mirror. When all else fails, remind yourself that if someone is close enough to see the state of your armpits, they’re too close.
July 15, 2011 at 6:38 pm
I got a prescription for bifocals about 2 years ago and just can’t quite give in yet. Instead, I carry 3 pairs of glasses in my purse, my readers, my distance/night time driving glasses and my Rx sunglasses. Maybe someday I’ll give it up and streamline…but not yet!
July 15, 2011 at 7:03 pm
I feel your pain sister. And also can’t recommend laser hair removal highly enough. But it does hurt like a mutha – especially under the arms. But SO worth it, especially for us farsighted girls.
x
July 19, 2011 at 5:19 am
Love your blog! Read the book! Very interested in your further experience with the reading glasses. I may need one myself soon but for now try to neglect that fact 🙂
July 27, 2011 at 12:26 am
Try seeing which bottle is shampoo and which bottle is conditioner in the shower! Impossible!
July 28, 2011 at 11:35 am
I blindly shave my pits every day because I inherited my mother’s bat-like eyes (and reflexes — we really are a sorry pair!). As a fellow formerly hot, though, I don’t worry too much about what my poorly shaven pits say (although I’m pretty sure they must speak volumes…). Leg shaving: now that’s something I’ve learned is best completed with glasses on!